Wednesday, March 5, 2008

You will not

(spam me)
an essay* to ruin your day :D
*based on a true story.

You will not advertise anything I might not be interested in when sending me e-mail. I hate spam.
You will not use big fonts and bright colors for it. I hate spam.
You will not send me mass instant messages. I hate spam. Each message incurs a 3-point penalty with a 2-day exponential decay constant. 10 points and you get banned. No questions asked.
You are allowed to do whatever you want in your personal space: the status text.
But only if it's not scrolling or otherwise updating every second, flooding me with useless packets. I hate bandwith-munching spam. You get banned. No questions asked.
You will not post pictures when your comment on my web pages. They (a) will probably ruin the color scheme and (b) will almost certainly ruin the layout, because Web 2.0 sucks and people writing Web 2.0 CMSes and layout templates don't care to think of stuff like: hey, what if some guy posts a 1000-pixel-wide image here? I hate web sissies. And spam.
You will not send me animated xmas e-cards lifted from the web, chainletters, pictures of dogs or bunnies or whatever, jokes (I hate bad jokes) or anything else. I hate everything, and spam. You get banned.
You will not send me docx files.
You will not talk to me.
You will not look at me.
You will not talk about me.
You will not think of me.
You will pretend I do not exist.
Or else.

1 comment:

etor said...

Hello... Are you there? I can see you... How about checking out one of my sites? They are cool. Flash stuff is not yet installed, but i have links to some animated cards for you.

Btw, i've heard that if you want to improve your manhood, you can send messages to all of your friends with the text "Vgraia" and for each friend that receives the message you get 1 mm. Bonus Rolex*) watches for each 100 friends.

*) Replicas, of course.