Sorry, but I just couldn't refrain:
1. Couple has sex in church confession box
"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"
"He had sins that he didn't confess!"
"And he didn't take communion!"
"He's doooooomed."
"Better go and confess before WE die!"
"Come on, hurry up!"
"Oh no, it's locked!"
"Oh no! It can't be locked! Nooo!!!11 We have to confess before we die!"
"There's that window in the back that's usually open."
"Come on, hurry up!"
"Look, the confession box is over there!"
"I'm first, I'm first!"
"Oohhh!"
"What the?!"
"Oh, son of a bitch!"
"You're a sinner! You're doing unnatural things in the House of God!"
"Oh, forgive me Father, for I have sinned!" etcetera etcetera.
2. Manholes
"Like WTF, there were only ten people killed! Sheesh, quit making such a fuss!"
Hypocrites.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
voting
This weekend is, er, was voting day. We're supposedly electing mayors, local councils and the other things that come with them. Therefore, last night I dreamt I was voting :D It was an interesting experience, akin to a trip into a future world and its voting ways.
So without further ado, I give you
Voting: 2084.
It was a cold April morning and the dew on the grass was frozen like tiny beads of glass.
I turn off the artificial landscape and open the window to smell the warm, polluted air.
Aaah, nitric dioxide, so sweet. Sulphur trioxide, yummy. Etcetera. (We still didn't find a cheap, pervasive way to command our windows to open and our lights to turn on in 2084, although computers students are still studying "Evolved Interfaces", but based on Web 4.0) First there was the Web, then pr0n, then the Social Web 2.0, then the Semantic Web 3.0 which failed to deliver, then there was Web 4.0, the EmoWeb, where people would use galvanic skin response, blood pressure, rectal probes and other sensors to upload their feelings online. Then of course marketoids were talking about Web 5.0, where you could blog by thought alone, but that wouldn't happen until 2337.
Alas, I reluctantly get up, take a shower, put some clothes on (dumb clothes, mind you, no electronics or anything) and walk out the door. I reach the voting room, sign on a sheet of paper, the supervisor hands me two booklets (where I am to stamp the desired candidates) and some advertising leaflets. There was absolutely no other person in that room. It was big, empty and quiet. Therefore I take my time and slowly walk towards the voting booth, which is a small, improvised box with dark blue drapes obscuring my secret choice. As usual, I might say.
I start analyzing the advertising materials and going through the list of candidates. Oddly enough, most are well-known TV stars. I finally decide on a sexy female TV presenter. After all, no mayor has done anything of note for the city in the last half-century, at least we'll have a sexy, charismatic mayor. But I'm not yet ready to cast my vote. I take a peek outside the small voting booth, and there are still no people around. Even the supervising authority has gone out for a smoke, leaving only a low-resolution security camera to keep watch. I calmly walk out of the booth, go into the next room, take out my 2-kg laptop, connect to the nearest wireless access point, and start searching for data on the few candidates I like most. After half an hour of searching, I think: Oh shit, I left the voting booth occupied! Think of the queue! Heck, what queue. There was no queue.
The End.
So without further ado, I give you
Voting: 2084.
It was a cold April morning and the dew on the grass was frozen like tiny beads of glass.
I turn off the artificial landscape and open the window to smell the warm, polluted air.
Aaah, nitric dioxide, so sweet. Sulphur trioxide, yummy. Etcetera. (We still didn't find a cheap, pervasive way to command our windows to open and our lights to turn on in 2084, although computers students are still studying "Evolved Interfaces", but based on Web 4.0) First there was the Web, then pr0n, then the Social Web 2.0, then the Semantic Web 3.0 which failed to deliver, then there was Web 4.0, the EmoWeb, where people would use galvanic skin response, blood pressure, rectal probes and other sensors to upload their feelings online. Then of course marketoids were talking about Web 5.0, where you could blog by thought alone, but that wouldn't happen until 2337.
Alas, I reluctantly get up, take a shower, put some clothes on (dumb clothes, mind you, no electronics or anything) and walk out the door. I reach the voting room, sign on a sheet of paper, the supervisor hands me two booklets (where I am to stamp the desired candidates) and some advertising leaflets. There was absolutely no other person in that room. It was big, empty and quiet. Therefore I take my time and slowly walk towards the voting booth, which is a small, improvised box with dark blue drapes obscuring my secret choice. As usual, I might say.
I start analyzing the advertising materials and going through the list of candidates. Oddly enough, most are well-known TV stars. I finally decide on a sexy female TV presenter. After all, no mayor has done anything of note for the city in the last half-century, at least we'll have a sexy, charismatic mayor. But I'm not yet ready to cast my vote. I take a peek outside the small voting booth, and there are still no people around. Even the supervising authority has gone out for a smoke, leaving only a low-resolution security camera to keep watch. I calmly walk out of the booth, go into the next room, take out my 2-kg laptop, connect to the nearest wireless access point, and start searching for data on the few candidates I like most. After half an hour of searching, I think: Oh shit, I left the voting booth occupied! Think of the queue! Heck, what queue. There was no queue.
The End.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
outlawing
Some British chef wants to outlaw out-of-season vegetables. Besides this being extremmely funny, it's of course stupid. Let's compare this to some hypothetical situations, in order to better understand just why is this so stupid.
First, let's assume some "celebrity" fashion designer decides they want to outlaw out-of-season or out-of-fashion clothes. I guess nobody is going to pass such a law (in a serious country in this timeframe), but just the idea of lobbying for something like this is preposterous. Imagine stores being unable to sell ... t-shirts in winter. Imagine yourself not being allowed to... I don't know, wear a blue hat because it's unfashionable and thus illegal.
Let's imagine then, that some "celebrity" "deejay" decides to lobby for a law banning songs and records that are more than 3 years old. So then I go to the usual rock bars and I'm not able to listen to 80's rock because some idiot passed a law that some other idiot lobbied for.
Then, let's imagine that some "celebrity" porn star bans you from having sex in other ways than the missionary position (a real law in some USA state).
Finally, let's imagine that some celebrity electonic circuit designer bans electrolytic capacitors, which they should actually do, as electrolytic capacitors currently suck balls and are a main cause of appliance failure. That would be extremmely stupid, because electrolytic capacitors, though unreliable, are very small and cannot be replaced with some other type without ending up with for example a mobile phone the size of a bucket.
First, let's assume some "celebrity" fashion designer decides they want to outlaw out-of-season or out-of-fashion clothes. I guess nobody is going to pass such a law (in a serious country in this timeframe), but just the idea of lobbying for something like this is preposterous. Imagine stores being unable to sell ... t-shirts in winter. Imagine yourself not being allowed to... I don't know, wear a blue hat because it's unfashionable and thus illegal.
Let's imagine then, that some "celebrity" "deejay" decides to lobby for a law banning songs and records that are more than 3 years old. So then I go to the usual rock bars and I'm not able to listen to 80's rock because some idiot passed a law that some other idiot lobbied for.
Then, let's imagine that some "celebrity" porn star bans you from having sex in other ways than the missionary position (a real law in some USA state).
Finally, let's imagine that some celebrity electonic circuit designer bans electrolytic capacitors, which they should actually do, as electrolytic capacitors currently suck balls and are a main cause of appliance failure. That would be extremmely stupid, because electrolytic capacitors, though unreliable, are very small and cannot be replaced with some other type without ending up with for example a mobile phone the size of a bucket.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
transformation
1. Yesterday police have turned decorative Christmas lights back on in major cities around the country under the slogan "drinking alters reality" or something like that, in an effort to reduce drunk driving.
2. Hypermiling (what?) can supposedly save gas and cash. Tune your car to use up less fuel, and drive less aggressively. Yeah, right. One problem is, in the U.S. at least, that a certain percentage of people feel that driving an efficient car is {lame, gay, laughable, whatever}. Who the hell cares about fuel. $3.61 per gallon? What the fuck is a gallon anyway? I drink water out of 2L bottles and don't know how much that is in gallons. I have no fucking feel for how much a gallon is, even though I know roughly how much a mile or an inch or a pound is. Anyway, Google knows, almost 3.8L. So what, $3.61 for that much petrol is expensive? Bullshit, here it's over one €vro per litre.
3. Fish eat, they digest, they crap, and other fish eat their crap and do the same. ("Dirty Jobs" on Discovery). Then the second group of fish are fished out after having fattened up, and sold as human food.
3. Hyperprogramming. Processors read programs and execute them over data, chomping it up according to the programs. They crap out new data and heat. Scientists are looking for new computing models and paradigms to help decrease energy consumption.
4. Pain. As years pass, pain settles down on the bottom of a lake, where it decays into mud. From that mud, beautiful water lilies grow and shine under a crescent moon.
2. Hypermiling (what?) can supposedly save gas and cash. Tune your car to use up less fuel, and drive less aggressively. Yeah, right. One problem is, in the U.S. at least, that a certain percentage of people feel that driving an efficient car is {lame, gay, laughable, whatever}. Who the hell cares about fuel. $3.61 per gallon? What the fuck is a gallon anyway? I drink water out of 2L bottles and don't know how much that is in gallons. I have no fucking feel for how much a gallon is, even though I know roughly how much a mile or an inch or a pound is. Anyway, Google knows, almost 3.8L. So what, $3.61 for that much petrol is expensive? Bullshit, here it's over one €vro per litre.
3. Fish eat, they digest, they crap, and other fish eat their crap and do the same. ("Dirty Jobs" on Discovery). Then the second group of fish are fished out after having fattened up, and sold as human food.
3. Hyperprogramming. Processors read programs and execute them over data, chomping it up according to the programs. They crap out new data and heat. Scientists are looking for new computing models and paradigms to help decrease energy consumption.
4. Pain. As years pass, pain settles down on the bottom of a lake, where it decays into mud. From that mud, beautiful water lilies grow and shine under a crescent moon.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
testicles
A very funny piece of news caught my attention today. Don't you just like the part with the North and the South? :D Apparently some Florida senator thinks truck nuts are offensive and must be banned. WTF? Not only that, but the guy owns a gun shop! :)) So basically, the way I see it, is: killing people is not obscene, but displaying a pair of fake animal testicles is. Way to go dude, way to go. See my previous post about some people having zero respect for life. Of course, people are hypocrites, and morality is just a word. ("Stop the world... ... Peace is just a word...") I guess to some people it is moral and ethical to own and sell guns, but it is unethical to well, jack off to porn, kiss in public, or stick some plastic balls on your truck.
Here in Romania most people are Christian Orthodox, meaning we start celebrating Easter this night. One of the bigger TV establishments here is running an entertainment show intended as a fund raiser to help some sick kids who need a ton of cash to well... live. You dial a number and donate $$$ if you like the stars' performance. The $$$ go to some kids who need surgery. One of the kids needs a treatment based on stem cells if they are to well, live. Of course, one can't treat people with stem cells in the 'civilized' western world anymore, because it's illegal. They have to do it in China. Why? Because some people think they have the moral authority to decide who lives and who doesn't. Because they don't necessarily value life, but they have to appease the vocal fanatic hypocrites who don't know shit about anything but feel they have the answer to life, the universe and everything else in some book or text or judgment or something. Whatever. Go on preaching damnation, salvation, environment, cloning, genetic engineering, global warming and nuckular \/\/ar while I go eat a sandwich or something.
Here in Romania most people are Christian Orthodox, meaning we start celebrating Easter this night. One of the bigger TV establishments here is running an entertainment show intended as a fund raiser to help some sick kids who need a ton of cash to well... live. You dial a number and donate $$$ if you like the stars' performance. The $$$ go to some kids who need surgery. One of the kids needs a treatment based on stem cells if they are to well, live. Of course, one can't treat people with stem cells in the 'civilized' western world anymore, because it's illegal. They have to do it in China. Why? Because some people think they have the moral authority to decide who lives and who doesn't. Because they don't necessarily value life, but they have to appease the vocal fanatic hypocrites who don't know shit about anything but feel they have the answer to life, the universe and everything else in some book or text or judgment or something. Whatever. Go on preaching damnation, salvation, environment, cloning, genetic engineering, global warming and nuckular \/\/ar while I go eat a sandwich or something.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
war
Laser pointers have been banned in "some Australian state" after a number of idiots pointed them at aircraft cockpits. Now, the article isn't very clear on wether all laser pointers are banned, or just high-powered ones that can really blind pilots. For instance, the crappy ones that I can get here for around half a buck couldn't blind anything more than 10 meters away. So instead of just arresting and convicting the idiots who endanger passengers' lives, the state just bans laser pointers alltogether. What next, banning forks because one can stab people with them? Should we eat with Chinese sticks then instead of forks? What if someone finds a criminal use for chopsticks then? Eat with our bare hands of course. Then someone uses their hands to beats up somebody else to death and we all get to wear little remote-controlled collars that give you a paralysing shock whenever the state says so. Maybe that would be good. But until then, what if lasers get banned in my country as well? Maybe I want to build a long-range laser data transceiver. Will I be able to do so without a license in 5 years time? Will I be able to get a license then? Will a high-school hacker with reasonable technical knowledge but no engineering degree be able to get such a license? This sucks.
Then I learn that Hillary Clinton, who is ugly, said that the U.S. could wipe Iran off the face of the Earth. Well of course they could! The U.S. can wipe anything out, including the whole planet. So can Russia, and a couple other countries can do some serious damage. We all know that. Do they want to wipe everything out? No. There was no Cold War, there was no Cuban missile crisis, in my humble opinion. No one in their right mind would have launched their nuclear arsenal against another nuclear power. It was all just bluffing and political bullshit, regardless of what the press or Discovery says. But I'm probably wrong. I was walking through the Polytechnic's campus this morning and I was thinking... scientists don't understand life, and maybe it's good they don't. When humans understand something, they tend to devalue it. For instance, we (the civilized world) no longer attribute lightning to some gods being angry, and we no longer fear it and sacrifice animals to calm the gods down or something. Well. Kind of. So it's lost its value. Now it's just a meteorological phenomenon. Yeah, some may find it beautiful, sure, but it's not divine anymore. Its value has diminished. Solar and lunar eclipses, same shit. Sure, there are still a lot of uncivilized or semi-civilized people who hold a wide variety of beliefs regarding these, so these phenomena have a much greater emotional value to them than to us. Steam engines (think the ancient Greek spinning ball that was used for magic and stuff). Whatever. So when we understand life, when we begin engineering life in the lab for good, then we'd have lost all respect for it. Of course, big political leaders never had any respect for life. Think Hitler, Stalin, the Crusades, the World Wars, the Roman, Otoman, British, Spanish empires, whatever. We can wipe Iran off the face of the Earth, sure. Yeah I also hate oppresive regimes, I hate oppresive cultures, but you can't just kill everybody who's not as civilized as yourself from certain points of view. Maybe they're more civilized in ways you fail to see. And finally, maybe there are space aliens out there who are far more civilized than we are, and they don't go around killing us just because well, we suck. And until the U.S. and Russia and France and the others scrap all their nukes, they have no moral right whatsoever to accuse Iran of wanting to have their own. Fuck Iran, fuck the U.S., fuck Australia, fuck the human race, peace already.
Then I learn that Hillary Clinton, who is ugly, said that the U.S. could wipe Iran off the face of the Earth. Well of course they could! The U.S. can wipe anything out, including the whole planet. So can Russia, and a couple other countries can do some serious damage. We all know that. Do they want to wipe everything out? No. There was no Cold War, there was no Cuban missile crisis, in my humble opinion. No one in their right mind would have launched their nuclear arsenal against another nuclear power. It was all just bluffing and political bullshit, regardless of what the press or Discovery says. But I'm probably wrong. I was walking through the Polytechnic's campus this morning and I was thinking... scientists don't understand life, and maybe it's good they don't. When humans understand something, they tend to devalue it. For instance, we (the civilized world) no longer attribute lightning to some gods being angry, and we no longer fear it and sacrifice animals to calm the gods down or something. Well. Kind of. So it's lost its value. Now it's just a meteorological phenomenon. Yeah, some may find it beautiful, sure, but it's not divine anymore. Its value has diminished. Solar and lunar eclipses, same shit. Sure, there are still a lot of uncivilized or semi-civilized people who hold a wide variety of beliefs regarding these, so these phenomena have a much greater emotional value to them than to us. Steam engines (think the ancient Greek spinning ball that was used for magic and stuff). Whatever. So when we understand life, when we begin engineering life in the lab for good, then we'd have lost all respect for it. Of course, big political leaders never had any respect for life. Think Hitler, Stalin, the Crusades, the World Wars, the Roman, Otoman, British, Spanish empires, whatever. We can wipe Iran off the face of the Earth, sure. Yeah I also hate oppresive regimes, I hate oppresive cultures, but you can't just kill everybody who's not as civilized as yourself from certain points of view. Maybe they're more civilized in ways you fail to see. And finally, maybe there are space aliens out there who are far more civilized than we are, and they don't go around killing us just because well, we suck. And until the U.S. and Russia and France and the others scrap all their nukes, they have no moral right whatsoever to accuse Iran of wanting to have their own. Fuck Iran, fuck the U.S., fuck Australia, fuck the human race, peace already.
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